Friday, June 6, 2008
Codependency
Last blog mentioned "BOUNDARIES". These are invisible fences both internal and external which protect ourselves and others from physical and emotional abuse. If you discover a broken boundary you must recognize the problem and with God's help repair the breach. My mom grew up in an alcoholic family and never developed proper boundaries. I developed a codependent relationship with her need to vent anger and bitterness toward those who she perceived to be against her. years after I had learned about codependency and had become more healthy in my relationships I was still allowing mom to come through my broken boundary and spew her anger at others into my heart. I thought I was compassionate by listening to my poor sick mother. Actually I was enabling her to continue her sinful behavior and to drag me down emotionally. Two weeks ago I set up an emotional boundary to block this codependent behavior. I wrote a kind letter of explanation to mom. Now our conversations will be much less frequent and limited in both time and content. I did call mom yesterday on my Dad's birthday to remember him in a good way. He died 20 years ago. Mom really appreciated the call and agreed that we do better to limit our conversation. I love my mom and I want to continue our relationship. Setting this new boundary allows me to do this in a God honoring way. Thanks for listening. Pastor Bill
Friday, May 23, 2008
Co-dependency and Family Feuds
Maybe you have never heard the term Co-dependency before. Simply put it is an unhealthy way of relating to people learned as a child and continued as an adult. I am still struggling with this issue at age 60! Recently after a family visit for mom's 85th birthday which went very well I find myself angry and perplexed. As I write the most difficult letter of my life to my mom please pray for me. I will continue to share the results for future healing and growth. Thank you to my church family. Pastor Bill Mehrtens
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